It's reality...bitch, deal with it.

20081231, 4:02 PM

A New Day...

Setting the sun on one chapter and openning the next. I have learned a lot over the year and I guess this will just be my way to express things as this old year clears the air and we make way for a bigger and brighter future.

I've learned people should never make new year's resolutions, actually I've known that for a while now...but still I sit here and watch as people make countless resolutions they know they will never in their right mind be able to keep lol.

I realize that you cannot completely move on, without complete closure of past relationships. Regardless how much you think you're over a certain person by just shutting them out, you still in your heart have something there. I've been through that atleast twice this year, and I can't say I'm not still going through this. There is still that feeling of "What if?". I won't live in that wonderous moment, but as I say "things always have their own time for happening. it's either meant to be, or not. you can't force anything". i would never try to force anything, it just wouldn't work out.

I realize that sometimes friendships mellow out like water and disappear, all due to the stupid things that people tend to do. People just can't seem to keep my name out of their mouths, and I'm not willing to bring their drama with me into the new year. It's a fresh start with drama free worries.

Job wise, lets just say recession has been a bitch. Horrible jobs have come my way, but you stick with it because of the money. You have horrible co-workers, people you feel you wouldn't care if you never see a day in your life ever again...umm then you have those great moments filled with people you will never forget. I'm sad to see Air Farce's Final Flight. I'll miss it, and all the people I've met who have been associated with the production, and all those other productions we've worked together. It would have been I believe my fifth season if I was able to work it this year. ahh the good times. Now may the new year be splendid, filled with love, passion for what you do and happiness. Because that's how I'll be starting mine off.

Labels: Family, Friendship, Life, Love, Self Discovery

posted by Cici @ 4:02 PM 1 comments

20081020, 10:52 PM

Ladies Man

I gave my little ladies man a mohawk today. I only get to see him about once or twice a week. I still remember when he was a baby, I can't believe he will be turning 2 very shortly. I caught him today watching some show and treehouse singing along with it haha. He likes to play video games already too!! I had him playing with the wii today and he loved it! I think I'm going to have to buy him video games as he grows up.

I swear babies grow up in the blink of an eye. I mean Nicholas just turned 2, Cameron will be turning 2 in a few weeks, and one of my aunt's will be having her first child. I think my mom's side of the family just has way too many younger cousins coming about. My brother used to be the only boy, and then I came, then there were the slew of girls until Nicholas was born. Ahh big families...gotta love it, but gotta hate it at the same time.

Labels: Family, Love

posted by Cici @ 10:52 PM 0 comments

20081017, 10:50 PM

Homesick? or Just Sick of Home?

Don't get me wrong, I love my city. I love the hustle and bustle, I love that my family is here to support me and encourages me to be the best I can be on an ongoing basis. However, I feel as though there is something out there better for me in this world. I won't lie, I've been slacking in school. It definitely hasn't been the best of times for me on that campus of mine. I detest the program that I'm stuck in for atleast another year, I despise the fact that I can't cram work and school at the same time because well... other things have just been on my mind. I feel as though I should get a new start in my life. Change how things are in my life. I want to move out, however without the money I'm not able to do so. The city is expensive and I don't want to live near my current school because well... I'm definitely trying to transfer out. I love living with my family, it's comfortable, and I know there are many more things I will have to worry about when I get into the "Real World", however I feel I need some sort of independence. It makes me wish that I was ten, when I felt everything was carefree, when I thought everything was good. When I played Pokemon cards, watched Sailor Moon, marbles, you know all that good good! Original Power Rangers were in, you know... Shit has changed so drastically since I've grown up. I miss all that old school shit. I didn't have to worry about anything back then. Now, how would things actually be now, if I did accept entrance to New York Film Academy?

Labels: Childhood, Family, Friendship, Self Discovery

posted by Cici @ 10:50 PM 0 comments

20071012, 10:38 PM

What's Love Got To Do With It?

I come home, to empty promises which never seem to be fufilled. I am told that things will be done, nope it's only a call again saying "Ciara, clean the house up". Oh great! Fuck y'all. That's seriously all that was running through my mind. They just tell me to do this in all of 10 minutes and my house is a hot mess so I'm running myself dry tryin to clean the house by myself for a good ten minutes including moving things, putting beer away, cleaning pots and pans and vacuuming But it doesnt matter because they aren't honestly greatful for me doing that for THEM. That shit didn't benefit me any. They don't even end up bringing me home anything to eat when they know there is nothing for me to eat in the house, and they promised they would have brought me something. I couldn't even scavenge anything if my life depended on it. But it doesn't matter right? Because out of this apparent "LOVE" my mother never hesistates to tell me ALL the freakin time that it's okay to skip meals. Because out of this apparent "LOVE" my mom LOVES to tell me I'm fat. Now that's what she considers "love" huh? That's pretty fucked up if you ask me.

Labels: Family, Love

posted by Cici @ 10:38 PM 0 comments

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About

Hi there, I'm Cici. That's what people tend to call me anyway. I'm 20 years old, and have been statistically challenged practically all my life. Music is my passion. I wouldn't give up the ability to hear for anything in my life. I've practically lived my whole life in Toronto. This city is mine. I'm a sucker for shoes. Yes, Shoes! No, I do not have some sort of foot fetish. I just like purchasing shoes. Especially a good pair of sneakers or flats. I have made many mistakes in my life, but that's what helps me grow as a person. I wouldn't change that for anything in the world. This is me, the real me. My life is totally unscripted. This is a dose of reality. My reality. Welcome to my world.

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